Memories
by huddycouse
Summary: Cuddy goes to House's funeral


My petite body squeezed between the two gates as I closed it softly behind me. I continued to walk forward, my small heels clicking on the stoned floor below me. I wipe the falling tears from my eyes and compose myself as much as possible, having not realised that my control had slipped. I need to make sure I am strong.

"You're back, finally." I heard a voice say to me as I walked into .

I was suddenly aware of a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Wilson looking down at me. He had already asked if I was alright, about a million times already, but he asked again. And I contemplated giving him the same answer.

"Cuddy , you okay?" Said Wilson again. I looked up at him, giving a weak smile, eyes him were red and puffy, there were dark circles.

"I'll be fine,. It's just a rough day for me… that's all." I reassured . I would save all my emotion and strength until it was needed. I promised myself that. I promised I wouldn't cry or break down until that moment.

I suddenly bit my lip, trying to contain a sob in my throat. No, I promised I wouldn't cry..I breathed in through my nose slowly and let the air out through my mouth.

Wilson pulled me closer to his body as I wept uncontrollably. I really wish House was here . I would hold him tight and breath in his scent and thinking about this made me cry harder.

"I…I'm sorry "I whispered and backed away from him.

"You okay in here?" He asked with concern, looking up at my face. I probably looked like the walking dead.

"I'm fine. I got to say Goodbye to him.

"Alright, if you say so." He replied, not taking his eyes off me. he stepped away.

When I got it seemed everyone was in the same attire. All in black, some with colors but were still dark. I tried to avoid everyone and quickly made my way outside..

It didn't seem real to me and I completely disassociate.

Quickly I spotted the black casket. I can still smell him. But I couldn't think of that now .not now. I can't feel it, him not here anymore.

I looked up at for House's mother, as the small body shook with sadness that overwhelmed her.

Her stepped away and laid a lily on his casket,. Her tears fell and she did not stop them.

Standing up I walk toward the casket I take a deep breath before climbing the steps slowly to where House's coffin is. I shut my eyes before opening them slowly, running my hand along the shiny wood of his coffin before finally looking into it.

Gone is the funny personality, the egocentric man who would do anything he could to please me. Gone is the crinkling smile which made him look a preteen. Gone are the sparkling eyes blue. Your expression is one I've seen on many jobs, so peaceful and at ease without a single line of worry

He has gone...

I feel my composure slipping, so I press my lips to his ice cold forehead gently.

"I forgive you" I whispered in his ear. "You are the most incredible man I have ever known, you are always going to be the most incredible man I've ever known.

Before walking swiftly More people were there. Some were already crying and others just sat and talked. I didn't feel like speaking to anyone, no one would understand. I sat in the second row, farthest away from all the others. I guess everyone followed me out because it started to get crowded.

I must have zoned out because when I came back to earth it had already started. Chase was saying a few words, usually what a priest would say at a funeral. I just stared ahead, When he finished bringing up a few memories of HouseI saw her return to her seat. Cameron then rolled up to the podium,it so it could reach his height.

* * *

_She took a deep breath, entered his office._

_Cuddy came out of nowhere and looked quite mad. "House do your goddamn clinic ."_

_He didn't look at her , obviously ignoring her._

_" What are you doing?" she asked as walked toward him. He looked up to see her blue eyes filled with curiosity._

_"Nothing…" he said almost confused turning back down to continue his reading. He kept quiet knowing that she was still staring at him. He almost flinched at the contact from her hand on his shoulder._

_"Are you… reading?" she asked looking over his shoulder as she leaned onto him. She began reading a part of the book where he was already halfway at doing._

_"… Those who fight for glory and fame would never be heroes…" Cuddy begun then paused thinking to her self before finishing, "… those who fight without the thought of wealth, but of love and care… are true heroes…"_

_She just stared at what she read in deep thought before her eyes caught her. She almost gasps at their closeness, they were nose to nose, but Cuddy caught herself before she turned away from his face to the book missing the slight blush upon his cheeks. She lifts her arm over his shoulder to point at the sentence that she had just read a few seconds ago._

_"So House… you want to be enlightened or something?" she asked confused turning to face him once more._

_"House?" she asked one eyebrow lifted in confusion as he gave no answer. House quickly caught himself before he turned his face away from her as he closed the book. Cuddy lifted her finger before House slammed the book quickly backing out of the chair._

_"I gotta go Cuddy…" he said as he pushed the chair back into its place. Before he was able to turn, he felt a tug on his arm so he turned to face her angered expression._

_"You've been avoiding me."_

_"I'm busy."he said shortly, still determined not to look at her._

_"Because of the Lucas thing?"_

_"Nope."_

_"What the hell is up with you lately?" she asked in a harsh tone. He just stared at her feeling a glint of anger upon his own eyes._

_"Why the hell do you care?" he asked calmly, but his eyes showed anger that Cuddy knew well of. He tugged his arm free from her grip and her eyes narrowed staring straight into him._

_"House…" she said sounding cold and calm at the same time, "… look, you know it's been like… Lucas" she began to say as she stared into his depressed angry eyes._

_"Stop Cuddy…" House said turning back around until she ran up in front of him with her hands to her hips leaning forward close to his face._

_"You need to move on, we all did…" she finally said relaxing her posture, but her face was still close so he could hear her clearly._

_"I know…" he said almost like a whisper._

_"I'm sorry House's…" she begun to say until she felt someone bump into her causing her to lose her balance. Since her face was so close to his, the push made their faces touch, lips first. Both wide eyed as they parted lips quickly just staring at one another._

_"Oops, sorry…" Foreman called pausing at the door out as he ran off rapidly disappearing._

_"Wait... " she screamed through gritted teeth before she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see House giving her a simple nervous smile._

_"I always knew Cuddy…" he said laughing nervously rubbing the back of his neck._

_"What are you talking about ?" she asked confused why he was so nervous around her now._

_"You know… that you wanted to kiss me," he said laughing causing Cuddy to blush._

_"W… what!" she screamed pulling his hand off her shoulder glaring at him._

_"It's okay Cuddy! Just admit it, you wanted to kiss me!" he said practically smile as he grabbed his stomach from craps._

_"Now look it here House!" she said grabbing the front of his shirt pulling him closer to her. Her eyes were angry. She was about to say something, but he grinned slightly as her eyes widened, then leaned towards her and brushed his lips slowly across closing his eyes claimed her lips. Gently, caressing them lightly before using his tongue. he added pressure and her lips slipped open to greet him._

_She would probably yell at him a little, reminding him that she had a boyfriend. But for now she would take what her could, because he was her Bastard lunatic._

_He pulled her into a deep, breathtaking kiss. Her body molded itself to him, and he wrapped his arms around her. His hand rubbing her back lightly. As they both moan into the kiss._

_Eventually they would break apart causing her to gasp as he stole the kiss. She let him go and pushed him away looking at his confused, surprise, and… confused._

_"What the hell are you doing?" she asked confusion. He just shrugged his shoulders with a smile on her lips..He kissed her nose and flitted away. before leaving pushed the glass door open, leaving a confused woman behind._

_Cuddy blinked, standing a smile slowly spread across his face the brightest smile he could manage._

_She sat in touching her lips her was confused and feeling very uneasy about the situation, let out a short, surprised laugh then she laughed softly._

* * *

I suddenly heard my name and I snapped back to reality, turning my attention back onto the Wilson. He was looking at me and . He rolled back to his row next to Stacy and Blyte . It was quiet then, all waited for the next speaker. I took a deep breath and stood up, walking over to the wooden podium. I cleared my throat as my eyes scanned everyone. I felt my heart leap in my chest and my throat getting tight. I already wanted to cry. But, I pushed those feelings aside. I turn and address the full audience, every single person with tears in their eyes at the very least.

I started to speak then.

"I didn't sit down and write some story about Greg House's life. I didn't write all the things that have happened between us and what I wished could have happened. It's pointless; I can't go back to those memories anyway. So why bring them up?" I paused then, my eyes returning to some of the faces. Most looked confused. I didn't care though. So I continued…

I took a deep breath, the tears that I could no longer hold back escaped my eyes. I sniffled loudly, sobbing as I continued to speak.

I paused, my eyes making contact with every single soul. I held back no longer. My emotions took me over and I couldn't control it. I was so upset. "I love him." I stated simply I stepped back away from the podium, my body starting to shake uncontrollably. I sobbed loudly, hugging myself with my arms.

Wilson says her closing words and with that, family, friends, co-workers and lovers leave the room but I remain, Mournfully, I stride over to your once again opened casket and look at your peaceful face.

You will never know how much it kills me to have the image of your lifeless body burned into my mind.

Upon the end of your ceremony,Away from everyone. Away from the confusion, the pain, the suffering. I can only think of how much I love him.

My cheeks have become moist as tears flow without my full knowledge. Wiping the tears from beneath my eyes, I look to the sky and for a moment I swear I see your image among the suns rays. I shake my head slightly with a small sniffle and whisper to the wind, saying goodbye to someone whom you have loved without condition for such a long time. You have to realise that they are no longer in this world… which I have. I know he is no longer here.


End file.
